what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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