finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize