i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize