Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize