Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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