how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize