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the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Randomize
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