I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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