I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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