We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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