Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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