My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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