Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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