i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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