I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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