Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize