Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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