I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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