If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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