Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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