i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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