he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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