i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize