I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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