someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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