The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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