I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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