it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
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Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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