I cockslap morals
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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