I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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