He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize