I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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