every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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