I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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