A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize