if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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