I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize