Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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