please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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