Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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