your parents love me but you hate me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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