Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The power of my boobs compel you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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