i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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