I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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