You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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