Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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