Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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