I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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