good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize