The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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